Getting Off on What Is: A Somatic Practice for Women’s Pleasure

Women’s pleasure isn’t the elusive concept the world seems to think it is. It’s actually just a nervous system skill for being in your body, but most of us were never taught how to build it. This is the story of how I built mine: not in theory, not in my mind, but in my actual body, and in my actual marriage.

Let’s rewind…

Back in 2018, I moved in with my now-husband after we’d been together for 6 months. He lived in a bachelor pad / construction site with a wood shop for a living room, a kitchen island balancing on 2×4’s, 1 dog and 3 cats. I was running a Pilates and yoga studio, teaching 8 hour days in addition to running the business, managing contractors, admin.

He asked me if we could get another dog. I lost control of my body and began laughing and crying simultaneously. He watched in confused fear for about 5 minutes before saying, “I guess that’s a no?”

After we were married, I found a puppy someone had dumped on the side of the road and brought him home. Cue months of me being a mess — waking up at 3am with shit in the bed, being very moody about how I wasn’t sleeping as much and I couldn’t just snuggle with my husband whenever I wanted anymore. Well, there goes a good time. I resisted and resented every part of the capacity stretching that was happening inside me.

Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, my husband and I were on vacation and I said… “I think we should get another dog.” (Note : we already had 2 with one in a cone for a lingering injury).

We got home from vacation and adopted a new little pup. Two nights in and we’re sleeping in the bed with 3 dogs all pressed up against us, between us, all snoring loudly. But this time around : I’m not upset, not bitter, not overwhelmed, not blaming them for my mood or energy or how much pleasure I do or don’t have or how much sex I’m having. In fact, I had 2 full energy orgasms in my sleep that night. Win

Yep, even though the astro is intense and the collective is loud, etc. etc. etc. etc.

Getting off on What Is… is not a metaphor. It’s a regular occurrence.

Clearly, not only is my relationship to life different now, but I am different.

So, What Actually Changed?

So what happened?

What changed to where I not only have more capacity but also more joy?

More responsibility for more business, beings and “ownership” but with more delight and humor?

It’s not just “time.” Lots of people get more bitter, resentful, distant and shut down as time goes by.

It’s not just “reps.” Reps without direction or desire don’t inherently mean anything or go anywhere.

And it’s not my productivity system, my morning routine or using AI.

The Nervous System Shift Behind Getting Off on What Is

What changed was a turn on from the inside… a way of relating to power and pleasure that deepened my marriage, my capacity to care for my life and what I want, and my ability to enjoy the ride.

Learning to hold more power and pleasure (not in my mind, in theory, in fantasy, or in books but in my actual body) expanded my capacity to hold and lead… More. This is somatic work, full stop, the kind of nervous system regulation practice I teach as a somatic sex coach, not a mindset shift you can think your way into. Somatic healing isn’t abstract. It’s not a metaphor either.

A More that means something.

A More that feels good.

A More that supports me and the other humans, animals, land my life supports.

A More that leaves a trail of Beauty.

Feminine Power Is an Embodiment Practice, Not a Performance

Embodiment practices for women rarely start with the body. They usually start with unlearning what we were told power was supposed to look like.

“Feminine power” isn’t about showing cleavage or using sex to manipulate others to give you things. It doesn’t require lipstick, high heels, a shamanic drum or a boudoir session.

While it does heal and amplify your sensuality, sexuality and relationships, it’s rooted in something much deeper and more expansive.

Feminine power is rooted in the boundless, pleasurable capacity to be with What Is Happening in every season and cycle. I call it The Womb of Severe Mercy.

Feminine power channels, gestates and births truly new creative streams into the MATERial world with MATERial effects (including money, orgasms, hot husbands, relationships, art projects, business ventures, home renovations, children, animals, etc).

But what about when What Is is grindy, demanding, challenging, feeling like death?

There is still a flame of this power inside — perhaps a special taste of it that’s only available in grindy moments. When you learn to touch this alluring Life Pulse within you (no matter what time it is) and turn it on, it always feels like grace, delight, ecstasy.

That’s power.

Power that no one can give you nor take from you. Power to transform your MATERial world and bring your creations all the way to (orgasmic) birth.

“Feminine power” a power to transform life, create life, by delighting in it, desiring in it, enjoying it, however it is.

Sounds like a more en“lightened” state of consciousness? Yes, it is.

But, fortunately for us, it creates the state of consciousness it demands… deliciously.

You need more than big dreams and productivity to build the intimacy, business and life that you feel called to create.

You need a system that can handle what it takes to build it and enjoy it when it arrives.

Getting off on What Is… is how you are the person left serving, selling and sexing when everyone else is complaining, upset, and waiting on someone else to be different.

The Client Pattern I Didn’t Expect

I’m currently working on a rebrand for all my work right now, which includes redoing my website. I’ve been going back through past clients and gathering testimonials. When I was reviewing my 1:1 clients I realized something interesting. Every single one of my past 1:1 clients ended up making more money and/or getting more clients by the time we were done working together. We didn’t work on business strategy, marketing or copywriting. We worked on their capacity to be enamored by life, turned on with what’s here and what’s theirs to do, healed their connection to what hurts and What Is. They learned how their body works, unlocked the energy stuck in wounding patterns, healed their relationship with GOD/DESS and turned on the latent power and pleasure within. Turns out turning on has a cha-ching sound as well.

I’m not going to put that data point on my website, but the data is clear.

Expanding your capacity to hold More — which is what you need when you’re trying to make more money, grow your business, deepen (or begin) intimacy — is pleasure’s game. You want something to get bigger, widen, expand? Try turning it on.

If you feel like you were made for More… whether it’s more love, more pleasure, more kids, a book, more money, more clients… this is the skill you must learn — how to pleasurably expand to hold unapologetic desire and power. When you do this, you become the person who can hold More without being crushed under the weight of it. You become the person who’s coming under the weight of it — and isn’t fun to be on the bottom sometimes?

It’s Time to Come Back to the Body

Getting off on What Is isn’t a metaphor. It also isn’t secret talent you’re born with or a mind puzzle to figure out. It’s a skill, a practice, that inhabits your body fully. I teach it through somatic experiencing exercises with clients 1:1 and inside MA, because pleasure for women was never supposed to be theoretical. 

If you’re ready to learn it, I invite you to take the first step with my FREE class, EROS. This is ninety minutes where your body gets to practice instead of your mind. Not a lecture on feminine power, an actual turn on, guided, in your own space, on your own time.

If reading this got something moving in you, don’t let it stop at the page. Go finish the sentence with your body.

Join the FREE EROS class →