21 Signs of “Good Girl” Consciousness (You Might Call It People Pleasing)
What I call “Good Girl” Consciousness is both a pattern (in relationship, in the nervous system, in the aura) and a paradigm (a story about how you think reality works and your role in it). Most people call this people pleasing.
While it’s not my only job, it’s certainly one of my favorites, to help you get free from this rigid, small and self-righteous little box so that you can experience more joy, pleasure and power.
Below are the most common symptoms and signs that I regularly see pointing to this very good little girl inside. If you say “yes” to 3 or more… Cinderella and/or Catholic guilt could be running your show and your shop.
When you’re ready to get out of jail, call me.
21 Signs of People Pleasing Under “Good Girl” Consciousness
Never Good Enough, Always Rescuing
1. You never feel ready, worthy or “good enough.”
2. You need everyone around you to abide by what you think is “right” in order to feel ok or “safe.”
3. You think it’s your job to save others and/or the world.
4. You are offended and deeply upset by people who are not doing #3
Spiritual Bypassing and the Fear of Being Misunderstood
5. You think the purpose of spirituality is to help you “be a good person.”
6. You (secretly) crave validation, reminders, approval that you are a good person doing a good job.
7. You’re really bothered when other people get what they (you) want and they didn’t follow “the rules” to get it.
8. You are terrified of people misunderstanding you.
Staying on the “Right” Track
9. Situations and other people are consistently not “good enough” for you.
10. You’re always looking around and obeying something, trying to make sure you’re on the “right” track, “right” side and doing it “right.”
11. If you don’t do a good job and show up the way (you think) people need and expect… you’re afraid they’ll leave and then you’ll be abandoned, rejected and alone.
12. You’re always trying to get others on board with what you think “should” be happening instead.
13. You are consistently, absolutely wrecked by the knowledge of the bad bad bloody dirty world.
14. You think it’s other people’s job to do what you want rather than your job to do what you want.
The Martyr, the Backpack, and Wanting to Be Seen
15. You easily identify with being a martyr or a victim.
16. You have a (spiritualized) story around the (perceived inevitable) suffering around offering your gifts to the world. Cue : I’m just suffering on the planet to sacrifice and fulfill the duty of offering my gifts to others. (It’s giving starving and celibate on the cross vibes).
17. Not so deep down you question whether or not you have the power to create, experience or deserve what you desire.
18. You have a backpack full of “evidence” of all the reasons that #17 isn’t going to work out.
19. You really want people to know how hard it’s been for you.
Pride and Permission
20. You’re very proud of all the things you can accomplish, experience, or provide for yourself without needing help from others.
21. You want to get yours (but not “too much,” of course).
Want to learn how to stop feeling powerless? Listen to this episode, then join the waitlist for MA (where Goddess Church meets Pussy School).
From People Pleasing to Feminine and Powerful
It’s possible that it can become an arousing, pleasurable experience. And it can be very healing to approach all of these practices with a generous presence that doesn’t have a particular expectation. Practice simply being with what arises. When you allow for more relationship between you and your pussy (as its own goal), the more coherence, self-trust, and sensation (re: pleasure) you can experience. This is what it looks like to trade people pleasing for something that actually feels like power: receiving, not performing.
Enjoy.
Jai MA.
“Before Joining MA: I was tired of living life on the surface and not engaging Desire or Destiny. I felt tired, dull, less sparkly. I was reaching new heights of success in my work but my relationships were suffering. […] Power feels safe now instead of scary. […] I’m able to ask, receive, and enjoy what I desire in new ways.”
Amelia H.
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