The Cup of Grief + Creativity

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“when you feel joy, the world has more joy in it.
when you experience joy, you are channeling more joy into the world.”

— grace allerdice

no Abundance without Limits

i often hear the idea of limits or boundaries discussed as something that is holding us back — something to the tune of “Don’t Fence Me In” comes to mind.

but what if limits are also something that hold us together? edges that can provide a useful containment for the shape we want our life, community, idea or relationship to hold.

one of the big benefits of limits is Flow. when the river has containment, it has surging power to go in the direction of the Sea, its destin(ed)ation. and when the river exceeds its banks, we call that a flood. we're generally less excited about those. the contained Flow is constructive, creative, forceful. the uncontained Flow is destructive, all-over-the-place, and unfocused.

another benefit of limits is Abundance.

what?????! you say. i thought Abundance was about everything and more and always yes, yes, YES.

allow me to explain. and let’s stick with water as a metaphor.

let’s say you have a cup (limit), and we sense an abundance when that cup is full.

but what if the cup is always growing? what if as soon as the water gets half-way up i start working my absolute hardest to make the cup bigger? 

i’ve convinced myself that it’s about more and more and more and more water.

and, while i’m here for a conversation about increasing embodied capacity, i think it’s easy to confuse that with our widespread cultural obsession with More.

but what if Abundance isn’t always More?

what if Abundance is Full?

if the cup is always getting bigger

well, then Abundance isn’t really possible

because ever-growing cups,

are never Full.

if I am always and only strategizing + working towards making my cup bigger,

then abundance is impossible because i will never be Full.

this means that my cup has a limit.

this means abundance needs limits.

and comparing your cup to the size of the ocean maybe isn’t the best strategy

maybe isn't the best metric for Fullness.

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to move IN, there has to move OUT

so if there is a limited amount of space to your cup… perhaps we get more choosy about what is taking up space in that precious cup. if we want more water, maybe we should move some of that dusty old furniture out so we can let more in.

and one of the things that can become a dusty old furniture of the Creative Soul Cup is grief.

if grief is taking up permanent resident space in that precious perfect cup that is you, then that is less space for flow, less space for creativity and less space for joy.

grief, like joy, can widen us, enlarge our capacity and make our cup bigger.

but if it stays for too long in the same shape, position, bulk and weight, then the grief starts to eat up what could have been more rooms in our house. it turns the doors to stone where nothing can enter. not even your desires, your ideas, your creativity.

i would even go so far as to say that anything that has been stuck IN for too long can become grief if it doesn’t move. just think of all the ideas inside of you that haven’t flowed out or haven’t become expressed. often, the longer they stay inside the more they get touched with the flavor of sadness that they haven’t come to birth in a more tangible way.

so sometimes, that little voice inside saying that’s not a good idea is a wise voice of caution, a healthy dose of risk curiosity meets aversity.

but, sometimes, that little voice is just the grief that never flowed out and they’ve brought all their roommates and friends and they’ve become permanent couch surfers on what used to be a beautiful living room, expectantly waiting for guests.

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creativity needs room

so what does all of this have to do with creativity?

well, creativity needs room, too. not just outside of you in the form of a chair, a desk, a studio, a book, but creativity also needs room inside of you.

if we want the winds of the songs you want to sing to blow through your windows, we have to open them. and in order to open them, we must be ok with allowing the grief to flow out.

grief is not something to be permanently enshrined inside your heart altar.

there will be more… don’t worry.

there will be more things to grieve. this is making room for that, too.

keeping the grief, prizing it, saving it for later
doesn’t protect anyone
it doesn’t actually bring more justice to the world (in case we’ve been using it to feel bad about something we have privilege around).

so let the grief move out. let it move through you.

let it change shape, change size, change rooms.

there is no such thing as too much.

there is no grievance too small.

it is one of our many songs we sing about being alive.

let it out.

so you can let it in.

may you Flow.

courage,

grace